Sunday, June 7, 2009

Brooke Hogan Bikini Pictures


Here are some new Brooke Hogan bikini pictures for all you Hulkamaniacs out there. Personally, Brooke doesn’t do anything for me. Never has, never will! And these pictures aren’t helping her cause at all. Her father, on the other hand, changed my life for the better. Because of him I train, say my prayers, take vitamins, be true to myself, true to my country and be a real American. Brooke should have listened to her dad too.

Mila Kunis Bikini Picture From InStyle Magazine


Here’s Mila Kunis in a bikini for InStyle magazine. Unfortunately, there is only one good shot of this cutie but I have a feeling because of her role in Forgetting Sarah Marshall we’re going to be seeing a lot more of her in the near future. *fingers crossed*

Josie Maran, Kristin Cavallari, Christina Milian and Rumer Willis In Their Bikinis!!!


What do you get when you put Josie Maran, Kristin Cavallari, Christina Milian and Rumer Willis altogether in their bikinis? The new OP publicity campaign. In my opinion, if you have Josie Maran there’s really no need to have any other girls alongside her but I’m not complaining though. Kristin and Christina make pretty good sidekicks. Rumor on the other hand, I guess she was there to market to the ugly people.

Jennifer Aniston Bikini Pictures


It must be nice to work in film because it seems like every time Jennifer Aniston isn’t on the set of Marley & Me, she’s sunbathing in a bikini. We get it Jen, you look good but it’s time to step it up a notch and lose the swimsuit already. I need a little more from you to make this post less boring. And writing about your romance with John Mayer won’t help.

Pink And Bai Ling Bikini Pictures


Well, this is an odd pairing: Pink with Bai Ling. Here they are both in their bikinis kayaking in Malibu, and guess what? I’m not turned on in the least. It’s one lesbian fantasy that just doesn’t work. I know I said earlier that I dig Bai Ling but that was in transfer of money kind of way, and Pink I definitely can’t get it up for. The thought of both our rock hard bodies pressed against each other just made me wish I never even wrote that.

Mariah Carey Bikini Pictures From Vibe Magazine


Here’s Mariah Carey in a bikini for the latest Vibe Magazine. So the big news is that Mariah just got married but she has yet to confirm it. Like it’s some big deal and people really care. All I care about, and all you guys should care about, is when is Mariah going to take off her clothes already considering she spends most of her time half naked as it is? Anyway, enjoy these pictures of Mariah, because next thing you know with the way Hollywood chicks are producing babies these days, Mariah will be pregnant in no time.

Elisha Cuthbert Bikini Pictures


Here’s the NHL’s favorite puck slut Elisha Cuthbert in a bikini vacationing in Hawaii with her new boyfriend Dion Phaneuf from the Calgary Flames. I’ve always been a fan of Elisha and it’s hard for me to make fun of her trouble areas (which she does have), but this time I can’t. Not when Shrek is standing next to her. Look at the mug on the guy in this picture. If that doesn’t make you feel better about yourself, I don’t know what will.

Elisha Cuthbert Bikini Pictures


You want to know what’s almost as ugly as Elisha Cuthbert’s boyfriend? Her oversized glasses. Man, I wish those would go out of style already. It’s ruining these bikinis pictures for me and I never thought anything could possibly ruin bikini pictures, but I’m just not into chicks who look like bugs. Because last night I had sex with a bug and got an STD. Anyway, a reader sent in a clip of a Dion Phaneuf hockey fight in which he shows his “superior” fighting ability. Let’s just say the dude is light on his feet.

Roselyn Sanchez Bikini Picture


Here’s Roselyn Sanchez on the set of some bikini shoot. Is it me or does Roselyn remind you of a better version of Eva Longoria? A much better version that is. I don’t know if I should have brought that up, because I probably ruined an otherwise good set of bikini pics for you. But if I actually knew what this chick does besides being hot, I’d have come up with something better, I swear.

Elisha Cuthbert Nipple Slip With Some Cleavage


Yes, more Elisha Cuthbert bikini pictures (but with new glasses this time). As you can see, Elisha made some friends and they’re having fun posing and giving the finger to the paparazzi. I especially like Elisha’s boob squeeze. Definitely a nice touch, although I was hoping one of her new friends would give her a little motorboat action between them. Maybe in the next set. Stay tuned”¦

Update: Here’s an Elisha Cuthbert nipple slip for you to enjoy! It’s from far, so get your Hollywood Tuna magnifying tools out.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Bikini Pictures From Fitness Magazine


I never watch The View but I do know that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is the hottest Republican on TV. I know a lot of people don’t like her but she took on Rosie O’Donnell and survived without being eaten, so that’s somewhat of an accomplishment. Anyway, here she is in Fitness Magazine showing of her new toned mommy body in a bikini. Enjoy.

Bai Ling Topless Bikini Pictures


You’ve got to love Bai Ling because you know every time she’s out in public she’s going to show us her freakishly long nipples. And here she is once again in bikini doing just that. Not only does she show her nipples, she decides to remove her top completely. Now that’s a good girl. The rest of you ladies could learn a thing or two from Bai Ling.

Jennifer Aniston And John Mayer Get Wet


Here’s Jennifer Aniston chilling by the pool with John Mayer in Miami. I guess this confirms that they are indeed an item. Now I know most of you call John a “Douchebag” or whatever, but he’s never really bothered me as a person. I mean the guy has probably banged more Hollywood hotties than George Clooney, Vince Vaughn, and Brad Pitt combined, and that’s something a real douchebag would never be able to achieve. So by all means make fun of his music, but any guy who has banged Jessica Simpson, Minka Kelly, and Jennifer Aniston is a hero in my books.

Kim Kardashian’s Breasts Are Almost As Big As Her Ass


Kim Kardashian posted some bikini pictures of her and her sister Kourtney on her blog from a few months back when they were in Miami. As usual, Kim is covering her lower half but that’s to be expected. But hey, with a big ass usually comes big tits and at least Kim is blessed with those. That doesn’t make it OK, I’m just trying to look at the positives for once and let me tell you, it’s really hard.

Audrina Patridge Bikini Pictures


Here’s Audrina Patridge on the set of her movie The Reef in a bikini, and is it me or do Audrina’s breasts look bigger? Last time I was questioning if they were real and fake, now I’m questioning if she got more CC’s pumped in them. Whatever the case girl has a smoking body, and if you’re wondering whose hand is on her ass in the picture below, well, we know it’s not yours!

Britney Spears Bikini Pictures


Here’s Britney Spears showing off her beach body in a bikini in Costa Rica. For a mother of two, I had to admit Britney looks”¦ awful. OK, I know she had two kids and I should cut her some slack, but the kids aren’t mine so I don’t care. Girl needs to cover up. Anyway, I guess the Britney Spears hotness comeback is going to have to be put on hold for a little bit longer.

Laura Vandervoort Bikini Pictures


It looks like the movie The Reef, which is the sequel to Jessica Alba’s Into the Blue, is going turn out all right. Here is some Canadian hottie Laura Vandervoot in a bikini. Now, between her and Audrina Patridge there’s definitely enough T & A to get me through an hour and a half of this crap when it hits DVD. But let’s hope the director decides to add in some lesbian scenes just to make the movie more authentic. I mean, when was the last time you saw two babes in bikinis not going at it with each other?

Reese Witherspoon Bikini Picture


Here are some bikini pictures of Reese Witherspoon out in Miami with Jake Gyllenhaal. You’d think that Reese would keep herself in better shape, considering Jake is. Not that I’m paying attention to men’s physiques, it’s just an obvious observation. Anyway, I know Reese had some kids and a women’s body begins to go south afterwards but if I was gay actor, I would definitely not be banging Reese Witherspoon. That’s just my personal opinion.

Shayne Lamas Bikini Pictures


Here’s Shayne Lamas, who is the winner of the Bachelor. I figured I’d post these bikini pictures of her because I think the 5 of you who watch the show will appreciate them. Even though they’re staged, she’s kinda hot and she caught a fish. A big one. It’s not a Tuna, which would have made this post awesome, but oh well.

Bianca Gascoigne And Charlotte Mears Bikini Pictures


Here are Bianca Gascoigne and Charlotte Mears in their bikinis. It looks like there’s some sexual energy between them, which ought to be explored in a lesbian sex tape. Because that’s what these two chicks are probably only good for, seeing that I have no clue what either of them do besides turn me on. Anyway, they’re hot so enjoy.

Gemma Atkinson Bikini Pictures


Here’s Gemma Atkinson at some photoshoot posing in a bikini. I think it’s for her 2009 calendar. Now I never understood why women make these things because I don’t know one guy who has ever bought one, except for a few mechanics, and I highly doubt Gemma’s is very popular choice. Anyway, she looks good but I’ll stick to the calendars I get at the bank. They’re free.

Lindsay Lohan Bikini Pictures


So it’s that time of year again, when all the celebrities hit the beach and get in their bikinis. Here’s our first set and of course it’s of Lindsay Lohan, because a Memorial Day weekend wouldn’t be the same without her in a bikini. Now they’re not the best photos, but it’s a start. So stay tuned and let’s see what else this weekend brings us

Natasha Hamilton Bikini Picture


I get confused with all the girl bands from across the pond. There’s so many of them, they all end up looking the same. But here is Natasha Hamilton from the group Atomic Kitten (I hope I got the right) in a bikini with some dude who I will call the Guy who gets to play with her big fake breasts. That or some soccer player, because that’s what all the girls over there seem to date. Anyway, I’m a sucker for redheads. I just hope that whole hippie look she’s got going on is just a look and not a lifestyle, because even though redheads can be hot north of the border, south of the border is a whole different story.

Karina Smirnoff Nipple Slip Pictures


Here’s Mario Lopez with Dancing With The Stars girlfriend Karina Smirnoff having some fun at the beach and getting a little nipple action while he’s at it. Now I know it’s easy to make fun of Mario because he’s on the same level of cheesiness as Ryan Seacrest, but the reality is that most of you guys haven’t been that close to a women’s nipple before. So the real joke is on you.

Heidi Montag Bikini Pictures


So, these pictures of Heidi Montag with the loser are obviously staged but I don’t care. The girl knows how to rock a bikini and she knows how to rock it well. And anyone who says otherwise is an idiot, because you know you’d all be knee deep in that in a heartbeat. Anyway, let’s hope the next set of staged pics comes with a little less Spencer and a whole lot less bikini.

Jessica Alba Pregnant Bikini Pictures


Well, the only thing I can say right now is that I miss the days when Jessica Alba wasn’t pregnant. Sure, her boobs are huge now but I just don’t find anything attractive about a pregnant chick in bikini, nor will I ever. Anyway, for all you freaks who have a fetish for pregnant women, enjoy. And oh ya, and get some therapy.

Brody Jenner’s Got His Hot Mom And Girlfriend In Bikinis


I have no clue who Brody Jenner is, but he has both a hot mom (allegedly) and girlfriend . I don’t know how old his mother is but mothers aren’t supposed to look like that. And if they do, you shouldn’t be hanging out at the beach with them. Unless there’s going to be some girl on girl action with your girlfriend. Alright, that was sick. I’ll stop there.

Carmen Electra Bikini Pictures


Here are some Carmen Electra bikini pictures. I’m pretty sure they’re old but I’ve never seen them before. So let’s call them new Carmen Electra bikini classics. Anyway, it’s always nice to see Carmen rockin’ that hot body of hers, and there’s definitely no better way to start a week’s posts than with them.

Lindsay Lohan Bikini Pictures


Well, here are some crappy Lindsay Lohan bikini pictures at the Roosevelt Hotel. Hopefully there will be some more of these coming out soon, because this year getting a good shot of Lindsay in a bikini has been almost impossible. On another note, it’s nice to see the girl get some sun. It’s definitely needed.

Ashley Alexandra Dupré Bikini Pictures


Here’s Ashley Alexandra Dupré with her mom at the beach. For a high-priced escort, I don’t know what kind of tricks Ashley was pulling but when I look at her in these bikini pictures all I see is an average chick with some nice boobs. So naturally I’m pretty curious to find out what made her so special. Who knows, maybe her mom can tell us? Anyway, I’m pretty sure eventually she’ll be at it again so I’d better start my Ashley Alexandra Dupré escort fund now. Feel free to donate.

Eva Herzigova Bikini Pictures


I don’t know how old Eva Herzigova is, but her skinny ass still looks good in a bikini. That is if she’s nearing the age of 40, if not, then forget what I said. Anyway, don’t bother looking it up and emailing me because I really don’t care to know. Just look through these pictures of a semi-famous supermodel and try not to feel lousy about the girl you are currently banging, or not banging.

Paloma Fiuza Got An Ass That Won’t Quit


I have no clue who Paloma Fiuza is but one things for sure, she’s got an ass that won’t quit. Whatever that means but funny, I have a penis that won’t quit either.

Kim And Kourtney Kardashian Bikini Pictures


Here’s Kim Kardashian and her sister Kourtney in Monaco showing off their bikinis bodies. I don’t why there’s so much commotion over Kim when clearly Kourtney has the better body. Kim, however, does have the prettier face. If only there was a way for science to merge the two together… Then maybe we’d have one genuinely hot chick.

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I have no clue who Alex Curran is so I decided to look her up. Turns out she’s a model, a fashion columnist for the Daily Mirror, wife of soccer player Steven Gerrard, and one hot bitch in a bikini! And that’s really the only tidbit of information we really need to know, right?

Marla Maples Bikini Pictures


Here’s Marla Maples in a staged bikini photoshoot proving that the old bag still has a little left going on. So let’s give Marla some credit for putting up a good fight with the last drops of eternal youth she still has left. Actually, let’s not. No lady at that age should be doing cartwheels and prancing around in a bikini! It’s just creepy.

Miranda Kerr Bikini Runway Pictures


Here’s Miranda Kerr rockin’ some bikinis on the runway. Usually I find models kind of boring, and personally I like it when a chick is a little banged up (in a good way), but Miranda has one of the sweetest, tightest bodies I’ve ever seen and it deserves attention. Yup, sometimes perfection isn’t all that bad. I mean, I have to deal with it daily. Sigh.

Cheryl Burke Bikini Pictures


Here’s Dancing With The Stars‘ Cheryl Burke prancing around the beach in a bikini in Hawaii. You know, I think success has gotten to Cheryl’s”¦ ass, because girl is looking pretty damn thick for a dancer. I’d still like to use it as a pillow but aren’t dancers supposed to be long and lean? Anyway, on another note, Cheryl was almost the second Dancing With The Stars girl to have a wardrobe malfunction at the beach. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Maybe next staged bikini set.

Lisa Rinna Bikini Pictures


Katherine Heigl could learn a little from Lisa Rinna. I mean, check this woman out. Sure, her lips have been injected with a half a quart of whatever they put in there, but her body is slammin’ for her age. Besides, I never had anything against big full lips. In fact I encourage women to get them. And then come see me so I can teach them how to put put ‘em to good use. Anyway, here’s Lisa Rinna in Malibu. Enjoy.

Miranda Kerr Topless Bikini Pictures


Here’s Miranda Kerr vacationing with her boyfriend Orlando Bloom in Gran Canaria. As you can see, she’s tanning topless but she has some nerve trying to cover up! What the hell!? She’s a model and has been topless on numerous occasions. Why so shy all of a sudden? Anyway, her method of covering up was a little sloppy and fortunately we managed to get a little nipple action. So there Miranda! Serves you right!

Katherine Heigl Bikini Pictures


Here are some more Katherine Heigl bikini pictures. Not like we really need to see more of them, but at least this time there aren’t any ass shots. It’s a good thing too because I was running out of Katherine Heigl bad ass material. Anyway, she’s in a bikini and if you didn’t know her butt was a mess, you’d think these are ok. On that note, enjoy”¦ for now.

Cheryl Tweedy Swimsuit Pictures


Love rat Ashley Cole strolls on the beach with wife Cheryl yesterday “” during a romantic break aimed at saving their marriage. The couple have spent a week at a plush private villa and appeared to have put their troubles behind them. But last night pals warned that Cheryl’s decision to make up with Ashley “” caught cheating with a hairdresser “” could be an own goal.
Source

Oh man! This is some bad news. My love, Cheryl Tweedy, is working on saving her marriage with this piece of trash who cheated on her. Cheryl don’t do it. I beg you! I’d never cheat on you. Hell, I’d never even look at another woman if I was knee deep in you every night. Anyway, just remember: you can’t teach an old dog new tricks and I promise you he’ll stray again. So dump this chump so you and I can hit the beach and live happily ever after.

DeAnna Pappas Bikini Pictures


I have no clue who this chick DeAnna Pappas is, but supposedly she’s the Bachelorette star, and here she is on some beach in a lame staged bikini photoshoot. It’s funny how all these staged bikini shoots look the same. Not that I care, but at least get someone hot. Not someone who looks like she drives a mini-van with three kids inside. Anyway, for the 3 of you who watch the show, enjoy.

Lisa Rinna Bikini Pictures

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This Makes Sense


Can someone please explain this to me? Here’s businessman Flavio Briatore and his wife and model Elisabetta Gregoraci-Briatore vacationing in Tavolara. I’m sure she married him for his good looks and charm. I hear Heidi Klum, who had a child with him, and Naomi Campbell dated him for the same reasons. Damn, if only I were as sexy as him…

Christina Milian Bikini Pictures


I’ve always thought Christina Milian is one of the cutest things out there. Here she is in a bikini by the pool and not only is her face cute, the rest of her sweet body, including her ass, is cute too. I just want to pinch it and squeeze it and then bounce it on my lap, and let her know who her daddy is.

Marla Maples Bikini Pictures


Here’s Marla Maples once again donning a bikini and holding the American flag for Independence Day. Except it’s on Friday and these photos were staged - who knows when, but it’s as if the lady is either trying to get herself a reality show or a young stud to make her feel like a girl again. Whatever reasons she has, I’m tired of these obviously staged shoots and want my celebrity bikini candids to look more realistic in the future. Is that too much to ask?

Ashley Tisdale Bikini Pictures


Here’s Ashley Tisdale in a bikini while vacationing in Hawaii. I like to consider Ashley the poor man’s version of Ashlee Simpson, which isn’t really saying much, but there is an annoying similarity to the both of them. Yes, they both have no talent, they both have had their faces rearranged, they both have decent-looking bodies, except Simpson’s boobs are bigger and of course they share the same name! Anyway, I know some of you guys get off to the girls of High School Musical, so enjoy.

Ashley Tisdale’s Ass In A Bikini


Here are a lot more Ashley Tisdale bikini pictures. It’s the 4th of July so don’t expect much writing from me considering I’m already drunk. That said, enjoy Ashley and her sweet ass.

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Here’s Jim Carrey And Jenny McCarthy having fun with the Paparazzi this weekend in Malibu.. As you can see Jim decided to put on Jenny’s swimsuit for a good laugh. Except it’s not so funny because I know some of you guys are turned on by it. Ok, you can stop looking at the pictures already. Gross!!!

Cheryl Burke Bikini Pictures


Here’s Cheryl Burke in a bikini once again showing off her top notch dancer physique. Because dancers have short stubby legs and dumpy asses these days. No honestly, the girl needs to get back to basics real quickly cause success is not treating that body well at all. Anyway, I know some of you like it that big but this is getting beyond Kim Kardashian big. It’s borderline obscene.